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Where has 2012 gone? | lucidblue's Blog


I just read the last few entries of my blog.  It's been a while since I've written here.  I haven't been here much, for many reasons.  But sometimes I think there are still moments when I need to write and express myself.

A year ago I was in Prague for Christmas with my brother and his wife.  I had many emotional moments - I was beginning my journey, my walk out of darkness into the light.  I remember my last night in Prague.  It was New Years Eve, and it was probably one of the darkest moments I had ever known.  I shed so many tears that night. 

And then there was my 4 month escape to Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore and Australia.  I can't believe I've been home for 7 months now.  That trip is only a memory now.  I long for it again.  I long for all those amazing moments...learning who I am.  I can't even begin to express to anyone here how much I've grown and changed from those moments.  To say I found my smile again doesn't even come close. 

2012 was to be my year of change, and wow did I ever change.  I am not the same girl I was a year ago, wandering the streets of Prague.  I am not the same girl who was terrified for my first solo trip to Berlin where I would know no one.  I am not the same girl who was terrified to face myself all alone in my journey.  I faced her, and I grew to love her.  In one swift moment, I learned who I was, and ironically realized I had always known.  It seems so dumb to say that, but it couldn't be more true.

I wouldn't say my life is perfect.  I'm still trying to figure some things out...but at least I know who I am.  Now it's time to figure out what I want. 

There's a part of me that wishes that we were going into the beginning of 2012 again....just so I could live those moments all over again.  But I know I have to move forward, and continue to figure it out.

I'm going to miss my moments of 2012.  It went by way too fast!

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